Batflamvid is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, dishonourable mink.

Batflamvid created dark matter seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Batflamvid, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Batflamvid, he will turn you into a puffin.

Batflamvid's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Batflamvid's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Never sprint in the presence of dolphins.

5. Never talk about fire.