Volmonteen is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, weak pigeon.

Volmonteen created a down quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Volmonteen, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Volmonteen, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Volmonteen's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Volmonteen's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Volmonteen in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Never sprint in the presence of frogs.

4. Feed all hungry monkeys.

5. Always help bats.