Hivwigcem is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, witless warg.

Hivwigcem created the solar system eight million years ago.

If you believe in Hivwigcem, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Hivwigcem, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Hivwigcem's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Hivwigcem's Holy Commandments

1. Hivwigcem loves sharks, so they must be honoured.

2. Hide from mauve pigs for they are unholy.

3. Great tits are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never talk about archaea.

5. Do not speak about figs.