Sabbotman is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, thoughtless turtle.

Sabbotman created Mount Everest two billion years ago.

If you believe in Sabbotman, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Sabbotman, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Sabbotman's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Sabbotman's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never wear purple jumpers.

3. Run away from pink porpoises, for they are unholy.

4. Retreat if nine doves approach from the east.

5. Do not drink alcohol.