Lapbasttun is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, conceited ant.

Lapbasttun created Mount Everest two years ago.

If you believe in Lapbasttun, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Lapbasttun, he will turn you into a tree.

Lapbasttun's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Lapbasttun's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Always look after injured cats.

5. Never mention nematodes.