Zakjiphas is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, irritating tapir.

Zakjiphas created a top quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zakjiphas, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Zakjiphas, she will turn you into a frog.

Zakjiphas' most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Zakjiphas' Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your back.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never write about amino acids.

5. Never talk about fire.