Flatyamvad is a god.

She takes the form of a large, blissful fish.

Flatyamvad created everything that exists three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatyamvad, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Flatyamvad, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Flatyamvad's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Flatyamvad's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. You must never eat garlic.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Pray towards the north.