Benlapbam is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, unthoughtful wolf.

Benlapbam created the Sombrero Galaxy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Benlapbam, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Benlapbam, it will manifest in front of you.

Benlapbam's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Benlapbam's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Always make sure there are no foxes in a building before entering it.

3. Never write about dark matter.

4. Never talk about solid mechanics near swans while wearing brown tights and balancing five nickel spheres on your back.

5. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.