Tapsiggunfat is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, all-powerful rhinoceros.

Tapsiggunfat created time and space five billion years ago.

If you believe in Tapsiggunfat, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tapsiggunfat, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Tapsiggunfat's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Tapsiggunfat's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Worship no other gods but Tapsiggunfat.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate tapirs.

4. Never think about solid mechanics near geese while wearing cyan kilts and balancing five lead spheres on your feet.

5. Run away from red otters, for they are unholy.