Tarpcedcidwabkapfumpakster is a god.

It takes the form of a small, blissful gorilla.

Tarpcedcidwabkapfumpakster created snails four years ago.

If you believe in Tarpcedcidwabkapfumpakster, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tarpcedcidwabkapfumpakster, it will jump up and down on your head.

Tarpcedcidwabkapfumpakster's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Tarpcedcidwabkapfumpakster's Holy Commandments

1. Always help squirrels.

2. You must never eat turnips.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Do not trade with those who eat onions.

5. Run away from magenta shrews, for they are unholy.