Fossflanfig is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, stupid slug.

Fossflanfig created a photon three million years ago.

If you believe in Fossflanfig, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Fossflanfig, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Fossflanfig's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Fossflanfig's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick dolphins.

2. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Do not eat beans.

4. Always help seals in need.

5. Do not hurt shrews.