Gamtamyak is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, merciless giraffe.

Gamtamyak created a quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Gamtamyak, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gamtamyak, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Gamtamyak's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Gamtamyak's Holy Commandments

1. Gamtamyak loves squirrels, so they must be honoured.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not drink water in violet rooms.

4. Never talk about planets.

5. Do not eat peanuts.