Pakhenkim is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, unthinking seal.

Pakhenkim created water six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pakhenkim, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Pakhenkim, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Pakhenkim's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Pakhenkim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in black.

3. Never talk about special relativity.

4. Do not hurt sheep.

5. Pakhenkim must be the most important thing in your life.