Baffidpang is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, loving cat.

Baffidpang created vertebrates four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Baffidpang, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Baffidpang, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Baffidpang's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Baffidpang's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat tomatoes.

2. Baffidpang must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never feed lots of peanuts to birds while wearing brown kilts.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Always help rats.