Gabmatkab Gubyakrip is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, pitiless goblin.

Gabmatkab Gubyakrip created the planet Earth four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gabmatkab Gubyakrip, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Gabmatkab Gubyakrip, he will destroy your home planet.

Gabmatkab Gubyakrip's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Gabmatkab Gubyakrip's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dolphins.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate voles.

4. Retreat if six aardvarks approach from the west.

5. Never look at dwarf planets.