Pontikarf is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, humane seal.

Pontikarf created the planet Mars seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pontikarf, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Pontikarf, he will refuse to believe in you.

Pontikarf's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Pontikarf's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about pigs.

2. Never sing near doves.

3. Always look after injured great tits.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not keep seven rats in a large pit.