Pitvadfatcarlammad is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, idiotic lizard.

Pitvadfatcarlammad created everything that exists three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pitvadfatcarlammad, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Pitvadfatcarlammad, he will turn you into a tree.

Pitvadfatcarlammad's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Pitvadfatcarlammad's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Worship no other gods but Pitvadfatcarlammad.

3. Run away if nine aardvarks approach from the east.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not trade with those who eat figs.