Gepwanzig is a god.

He takes the form of a small, charitable dragonfly.

Gepwanzig created the universe five million years ago.

If you believe in Gepwanzig, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gepwanzig, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Gepwanzig's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Gepwanzig's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no manatees in a building before entering it.

2. Always make sure there are no geese in a room before entering it.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always treat whales with great respect.

5. You must pray to Gepwanzig four times a day.