Febtanbessham is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, clever toad.

Febtanbessham created a photon two million years ago.

If you believe in Febtanbessham, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Febtanbessham, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Febtanbessham's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Febtanbessham's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a building before entering it.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Feed all hungry shrews.

5. Never talk about quantum mechanics.