Lopnibnak is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, blissful whale.

Lopnibnak created a top quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lopnibnak, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Lopnibnak, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Lopnibnak's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Lopnibnak's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Lopnibnak.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never hurt seals.