Gessfumstik is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, deceitful warg.

Gessfumstik created energy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gessfumstik, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Gessfumstik, she will turn you into a puffin.

Gessfumstik's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Gessfumstik's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never hop in holy places.

3. Always help swans in need.

4. You must never eat parsnips.

5. Never eat aubergines.