Bodvancen is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, selfish bat.

Bodvancen created Africa six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bodvancen, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Bodvancen, he will be very unhappy.

Bodvancen's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Bodvancen's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed bread to dolphins while wearing pink shoes.

2. Never feed lots of pineapples to bats while wearing purple ear rings.

3. Never talk about tapirs.

4. Erect a giant copper sculpture of Bodvancen in the centre of the settlement.

5. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.