Bettikjarn is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, annoying finch.

Bettikjarn created carbon four billion years ago.

If you believe in Bettikjarn, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bettikjarn, he will turn you into a mole.

Bettikjarn's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Bettikjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate ducks.

3. Never talk about ultrasonics near horses while wearing fawn jumpers.

4. Never feed onions to seals while wearing magenta corsets.

5. Never go into brown rooms.