Fedgadlab is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, witless guinea pig.

Fedgadlab created viruses eight million years ago.

If you believe in Fedgadlab, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Fedgadlab, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Fedgadlab's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Fedgadlab's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention nematodes.

2. Never write about comets.

3. Never think about electromagnetism near snakes while wearing green dresses and balancing eight silicon spheres on your feet.

4. Always help bats in need.

5. Never talk about quantum field theory.