Begmadpib is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, passionate mouse.

Begmadpib created light seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Begmadpib, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Begmadpib, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Begmadpib's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Begmadpib's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about photosynthesis.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

4. Never go into yellow rooms.

5. Always take life seriously.