Rutjipgovgup is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, awesome cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Rutjipgovgup created a quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rutjipgovgup, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Rutjipgovgup, he will curse you with boils.

Rutjipgovgup's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Rutjipgovgup's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention whales.

2. Never talk about thermodynamics near birds while wearing blue trousers and balancing five carbon spheres on your neck.

3. Do not wear mauve clothing.

4. Always help great tits in need.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Rutjipgovgup.