Tagxemster is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, deceitful newt.

Tagxemster created the Small Magellanic Cloud three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tagxemster, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tagxemster, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Tagxemster's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Tagxemster's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

2. Run away from yellow cats, for they are unholy.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Do not chop down trees.