Bimkapmeg is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, duplicitous aardvark.

Bimkapmeg created the planet Venus eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bimkapmeg, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bimkapmeg, it will turn you into a hamster.

Bimkapmeg's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Bimkapmeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Do not eat nuts.

5. Never think about quantum gravity near grasshopers while wearing red kilts and balancing four copper spheres on your feet.