Batjabrow is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, dishonourable armadillo.

Batjabrow created a photon six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Batjabrow, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Batjabrow, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Batjabrow's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Batjabrow's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear titanium on your body.

2. You must pray to Batjabrow seven times a day.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

5. Always help porpoises.