Captifget is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, resourceful goat.

Captifget created dark energy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Captifget, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Captifget, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Captifget's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Captifget's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Captifget loves manatees, so they must be respected.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not dye your hair violet.

5. Learn four new languages a year.