Timpagtonk Flancinnat is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, fussy seal.

Timpagtonk Flancinnat created the planet Saturn four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Timpagtonk Flancinnat, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Timpagtonk Flancinnat, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Timpagtonk Flancinnat's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Timpagtonk Flancinnat's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed gooseberries to geese while wearing purple skirts.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Never talk about nebulae.