Carkinzed is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, vain crane.

Carkinzed created Africa seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Carkinzed, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Carkinzed, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Carkinzed's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Carkinzed's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never talk about gravity near seals while wearing mauve coats.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.