Jatbiflad is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, clever zebra.

Jatbiflad created the universe four years ago.

If you believe in Jatbiflad, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Jatbiflad, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Jatbiflad's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Jatbiflad's Holy Commandments

1. Jatbiflad loves monkeys, so they must be honoured.

2. Run away if six tortoises approach from the east.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never talk about solid mechanics.

5. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.