Tettinakloopbam is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, staggering gnu.

Tettinakloopbam created a photon five million years ago.

If you believe in Tettinakloopbam, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Tettinakloopbam, he will turn you into a rat.

Tettinakloopbam's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Tettinakloopbam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Erect a giant pink sculpture of Tettinakloopbam in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never eat cucumbers.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. Always pray immersed in water.