Figbifzen is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, cheerful hippopotamus.

Figbifzen created Africa three million years ago.

If you believe in Figbifzen, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Figbifzen, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Figbifzen's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Figbifzen's Holy Commandments

1. Figbifzen loves whales, so they must be respected.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Figbifzen.

3. Put Figbifzen first in all things.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate snakes.

5. Never talk about quantum field theory near ants while wearing green rings and balancing five silver spheres on your legs.