Tabzanflab is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, slow frog.

Tabzanflab created a top quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Tabzanflab, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Tabzanflab, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Tabzanflab's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Tabzanflab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about monkeys.

2. Tabzanflab loves rats, so they must be respected.

3. Learn seven new languages a year.

4. Always look after injured seals.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.