Gumkennuttsan is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, benevolent cat.

Gumkennuttsan created Asia eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Gumkennuttsan, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Gumkennuttsan, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Gumkennuttsan's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Gumkennuttsan's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Do not trade with those who eat pineapples.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Erect seven titanium sculptures of Gumkennuttsan on top of important buildings.