Dumkab is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, sapient rhinoceros.

Dumkab created a quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Dumkab, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Dumkab, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Dumkab's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Dumkab's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no swans in a building before entering it.

2. Never think about black holes.

3. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate voles.

5. Do not speak about spinach.