Artvogwik is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, conceited newt.

Artvogwik created Asia nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Artvogwik, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Artvogwik, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Artvogwik's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Artvogwik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate tortoises.

4. Never write about amino acids.

5. Always pray immersed in water.