Lapcidnul is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, loving faun.

Lapcidnul created silver six million years ago.

If you believe in Lapcidnul, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Lapcidnul, he will turn you into a snail.

Lapcidnul's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Lapcidnul's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Do not speak about peas.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in yellow.