Yakvagaf is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, all-knowing monkey.

Yakvagaf created water nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yakvagaf, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Yakvagaf, he will turn you into a goat.

Yakvagaf's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Yakvagaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Do not drink water in orange rooms.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Never look at comets.

5. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.