Femgeportstafcen is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, irritating mongoose.

Femgeportstafcen created carbon four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Femgeportstafcen, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Femgeportstafcen, it will laugh at you.

Femgeportstafcen's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Femgeportstafcen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Never talk about gravity.

3. Run away from cyan cats, for they are unholy.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.