Tonfomlip is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, awe-inspiring cow.

Tonfomlip created the Sunflower Galaxy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tonfomlip, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tonfomlip, he will make you grow a tail.

Tonfomlip's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Tonfomlip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your chest.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate swans.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.