Queegtarpbellcutfeb is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, temperamental cow.

Queegtarpbellcutfeb created the universe four billion years ago.

If you believe in Queegtarpbellcutfeb, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Queegtarpbellcutfeb, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Queegtarpbellcutfeb's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Queegtarpbellcutfeb's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Queegtarpbellcutfeb's priests.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Run away if four tortoises approach from the west.

4. Never wear mauve dresses.

5. Do not kill squirrels.