Tadbarnrig is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, merciless monkey.

Tadbarnrig created a down quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tadbarnrig, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tadbarnrig, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Tadbarnrig's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Tadbarnrig's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from fawn manatees, for they are unholy.

2. Tadbarnrig loves seals, so they must be honoured.

3. Tadbarnrig loves goats, so they must be respected.

4. Retreat if five monkeys approach from the west.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.