Nelnarlbem is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, tiresome bird.

Nelnarlbem created the planet Earth nine million years ago.

If you believe in Nelnarlbem, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Nelnarlbem, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Nelnarlbem's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Nelnarlbem's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if seven swans approach from the north.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never mention voles.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Do not hurt monkeys.