Bellbesshigcet is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, thoughtless grasshopper.

Bellbesshigcet created vertebrates six billion years ago.

If you believe in Bellbesshigcet, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bellbesshigcet, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Bellbesshigcet's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Bellbesshigcet's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never feed figs to goats while wearing kilts.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Do not wear turquoise clothing.

5. Feed all hungry birds.