Veenmidsom is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, contented lobster.

Veenmidsom created the solar system six million years ago.

If you believe in Veenmidsom, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Veenmidsom, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Veenmidsom's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Veenmidsom's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured mites.

2. Hide from pink mice for they are unholy.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Never feed strawberries to turtles while wearing tights.

5. Do not listen to music.