Lagtargvan is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, dishonourable cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Lagtargvan created bats nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lagtargvan, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Lagtargvan, it will strike you with lightening.

Lagtargvan's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Lagtargvan's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at asteroids.

2. Never talk about fluid mechanics.

3. Never think about gravity near foxes while wearing pink skirts and balancing eight silicon spheres on your arms.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never pour water over plants.