Xucgem is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, ruthless toad.

Xucgem created dark matter six million years ago.

If you believe in Xucgem, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Xucgem, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Xucgem's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Xucgem's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about thermodynamics near squirrels while wearing magenta boots and balancing eight carbon spheres on your neck.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never think about archaea.

4. Run away from fawn bats, for they are unholy.

5. Never hurt geese.